When I started school one of the things I studied was who make up a family. My teacher said for a family to be complete we should have a father, a mother, and the children. Well, this was not the case for me since I grew up in the hands of my grandparents. This made me feel incomplete and the name “daddy” became a strange and unfamiliar word to me growing up. This is because I have no memories to attach that name. Truth is I would have loved for him to have been there to see me grow to share my joy, my pain, and hold my hand through the journey. Sadly, he wasn’t there I looked up to grandpa and my uncles as father figures but we can all agree there is just something about a father’s love.


Studies show that fathers play a crucial role in the mental, emotional and spiritual development of a child and the absence of a mature father-connection creates a void in the soul which can be referred to as “father hunger”. This void has deep psychological effects which I would like to touch on especially those that I have struggled with. One of the main areas I have battled with is low self-esteem. Studies show that a father’s love boosts one’s confidence from the affirmation one gets from their father.

Knowing for a fact your father is proud of you goes a long way. Lack of this usually causes one to seek acceptance to fill that void which results from father hunger. Often times one seeks this in promiscuous ways which only leave them more wounded than they were before. I personally have battled this kind of void which ran so deep and made my heart ache to seek acceptance and approval.

Through it all, I realize my emptiness could only be filled by my Perfect Father in whom I live and have my being.

I fought my pain silently, perceived life to be so unfair. I felt hopeless but the love of God found me and reminded me that only God can fill my void. My validation, my approval is rooted only in Him. He tells us in His word that He rejoices over us with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). Every day His Spirit reminds me that my identity is in Christ and I will say with the Psalmist “ I will praise You, for am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your Works, and that my soul knows very well” (Psalms 139:4). Truth is if God isn’t enough no else will ever be, He alone completes us.

As I walk through life I have also struggled to build and maintain relationships. When your father has been absent whether emotionally or physically in your life building healthy relationships is often overshadowed by fear. You often perceive that maybe people will hurt you. Chances are you either too vulnerable seeking to fill the void or you become too defensive because the pain of abandonment runs deep.

Through my own experience, I have struggled with trust issues. I build walls not to allow anyone too close to me. Insecurity flooded my heart so hard that the fear of rejection made me lose my hope in any relationship. This also led me to become too vulnerable seeking sympathy looking up to people to soothe my pain. Through it all, I realize my emptiness could only be filled by my Perfect Father in whom I live and have my being.

There is more to life than to live depressed because of something we have missed

I would love to encourage those of us who are familiar with this area. I can’t even grasp the agony anyone has gone through.  We all have different stories but hey we have a loving and a perfect Father who not only cares about us but also defines our purpose in life. He has our destiny outlined according to His Will. His plans are good for He has our best interest at heart (Jeremiah 29:11). Yes I know it hurts and the effects still stare at us but let’s bring our broken and bruised hearts to Him.  He is the only one who can heal. Let’s seek to know Him and have a personal connection with our Perfect Father.

There is more to life than to live depressed because of something we have missed. God is infinitely wise and His ways are perfect. I pray that He uses our agonies to be the greatest place of our ministry. I pray that we raise daughters of God to build the Perfect Father’s name above ours. I pray that God heals our wounds and uses us to shine light into this world. Daddy is not strange anymore! GOD is our perfect daddy whether we have the presence of the earthly father or not. Hear this child of God we are never alone!

“Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’(Isaiah 41:10).

May God make us whole in Him that we diligently seek His heart.


Sharon Mueni.

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